What is and what should never be
by RosemaryW
Summary: It had been one thing attempting to live as a human, but actually becoming human? Now that's something altogether different. Set between the finale and the DVD scene. A series of moments as the trinity adjust to their new found humanity.


_Set between the finale and the DVD scene. A series of moments as the trinity adjust to their new found humanity. Just a one-shot borne out of revision avoidance and writer's block._

_As always, reviews and feedback are extremely welcome! _

_All of the characters belong to Toby Whithouse/the BBC, I'm just borrowing them and all mistakes are unintentional._

* * *

Its end of an era.

Alex stuffs another chocolate bar into her mouth, savoring the sensation as it melts on her tongue. She remembers getting a sick bug when she was a kid and not being able to eat for a week. At the time she couldn't think of anything worse. Then she died. Months without being able to touch, taste or feel. That was worse.

She doesn't figure that many people get to properly come back from the dead, there's Jesus of course, but she doesn't think the same rules apply to the son of God as do to the general human population. So she doesn't want to waste this second chance.

The first thing she does is burn her dress, her boots and that bloody bra of doom.

She did think about staying in Scotland. She misses her friends there, of course she does. But there would have been too much that she couldn't tell them. She'd get carted off to the loony bin if she went round telling people that she had spent the last few months as a ghost living with a werewolf and a vampire who was tangentially involved in her murder. The things she went through have changed her, you don't go through all that and come out untainted by it. So she comes back to Barry, Tom and Hal aren't perfect by any measure, but they understand.

Once the awkward trip to see Alex's family in Scotland is done with she easily slips back into her old life. Out of all of them she is the one who slots back into the human world with the most ease, but then she was only part of the supernatural world for a few months. She's been human for a hell of a lot longer than she'd been a ghost.

* * *

Tom approaches Hal the day after it happened. There are things unsaid that need saying and they both know it. The fact they were trying to kill each other the previous day looms heavily overhead and can't be ignored no matter how much they wish it could.

'I'm glad I didn' have ta kill ya Hal.' Tom says, somewhat awkwardly and holds out his hand to his friend.

He's glad he's got his best mate back. At the confrontation at the pub he really thought that he had lost Hal forever. When he looked at that man he couldn't see his friend at all, it's given him a little bit more respect for Hal now though, having seen in person what he was fighting against for all those years.

'Thank you Tom. I'm sorry for…everything. I meant what I said before, you deserve better friends than me.'

'Probably, but it looks I'm stuck with ya for now doesn't it?' he jokingly slaps Hal on the shoulder. 'Seriously though mate, you're a good bloke, even if you are a bit odd and ya sometimes wear stupid clothes.'

'I'm serious Tom.'

'So am I.? We all get to start fresh, including you. You're not _Lord Harry_ no more, I know that. That's supernatural stuff's all done now isn't it'

And so they leave it at that.

There's a lot more Tom could say, a lot more that he wants to say. But want he wants most of all is for three of them to be happy. Best to let sleeping dogs lie, he reckons.

* * *

Hal stares at his reflection in the mirror, the image is so crisp and vivid compared to what he had imagined and he's taken aback by how young he looks. Obviously he knows that vampires don't age, but the face before him feels far too young for the man who's wearing it. His heart beats away steadily, it's disconcerting and it reminds him of his mortality, each beat one moment closer to his now inescapable death.

He spends the night with Alex and for the first time in what seems like eternity the thought of her blood doesn't cross his mind. He's surprised at first how easily Tom and Alex seem to sweep his actions before they killed the devil under the carpet once they became human. They seem to look at him and only see their friend who is now untroubled by addiction and who no longer needs their eyes trained on him at all times. He wishes it were that simple.

They seem to think becoming human has washed it all away. It hasn't. Not for him. He still feels as though he is drenched in blood and wearing someone else's clothing.

* * *

She looks across the bed at him, still scared to let herself believe this might actually be real, that she really has come back from the dead and that Tom and Hal's curses are really lifted. Hal 's sleeping like a baby. Clearly last night wore him out, she can't believe that she ever had any doubts that Hal had it in him. Turns out he's learnt some skills in those five hundred years.

In the cold light of the morning sun she's finding herself plagued by doubts. About him, about the whole thing really. She struggles to shake off the knowledge that the man she's sharing her bed with is a former mass murderer and rapist. Although she knows that's not him now, she can't just forget what he's done, no matter how hard she tries to push those thoughts aside. She doesn't want to blame him for what the vampire did, but in reality these things aren't so easy to separate.

_I just wanted one gentle thing. _

It's funny how that line that she had said to Hal on their ill-fated date has stuck in her head so vividly. Of course she's learned since then that Hal was a long way from being something gentle. The bloodless bodies of his victims lying on the floor in that pub still haunt her memory and it's taking a while for her to stop seeing them whenever she looks at him. He says he's a different man now and she wants to believe him, she really does, but time and time again he's proven himself to be a very good liar.

He opens his eyes and they're still heavy with sleep. He grins as he pulls her close to him and she can feel the comforting thudding of his heart. She casts aside her thoughts of broken bodies, it doesn't feel right to hold the actions the vampire against the man she thinks she's falling in love with.

* * *

They lose their jobs at the hotel. After all the deaths, the doors of the Barry Grand are closed for good and there are rumours that the building will be demolished. Tom and Alex are somewhere between annoyed and relieved when Hal confesses that he has access to some money in some of his old accounts, enough to keep them going for a while he says, at least until they find new jobs.

Tom quickly gets himself a job as the manager at a local pub, even though didn't meet any of the specifications on the advert. He starts to build up an impressive CV of courses and qualifications, he even signs up to do some GSCE's at the local college.

'I'm going to make something of me-self now.' He says, 'nothing to blame but me now.'

Alex grins at him and gives him a surprisingly hard slap on the back. 'That's great Tom. Told ya you could do it.'

He wants to make himself into the kind of man that's good enough for Alison. Hal keeps trying to tell him that he was always good enough, but Tom is finally managing to build a life for himself and he wants to do that on his terms, not Hals.

He still sees flashes of bad Hal in his friend. This isn't the same man as before it all went wrong, he knows that for certain. The uptight, obsessive compulsive Hal has gone completely, this Hal is much more at ease with himself and the world around him. He's not worried that Hal's going to go out and kill anyone anymore or anything like that, but sometimes he'll say something, do something, that sets Tom on edge. Hal doesn't feel the need to restrain himself like before, and that's taking Tom a bit of getting used to. Like one day when Hal lets his eyes linger a little too long at some long legged girls as they walk along the sea front. Old Hal would never do something like that, Tom doesn't like it, it's not respectful to them girls and it's not fair on Alex.

One day Tom hands him and Alex an application form for a job at the pub. Hal all but sneers at it, but Alex applies and gets a job as a waitress. She doesn't make a very good waitress, not a day goes by without her making a mistake of some variety, but her easy manner goes down well with the customers and she's enjoying interacting with other people again after being dead for so long. It's not what she wants to do forever of course, but it'll do for the moment.

* * *

Having an ordinary life seems to be enough for Tom, it was never enough for Hal. You don't rise to the status of an Old One without being born with a hefty amount of personal ambition. He's done enough menial jobs since he came to Barry and he's not willing to do another one. He's gone from being probably the oldest and most powerful vampire on the planet to being an ordinary unemployed twenty-something living in Wales. Pretending to be this and actually being this are two very different things. His achievements and notoriety as a vampire mean nothing now. It was a comfort before, knowing that if he chose, he could walk back into his position as vampire royalty no questions asked. Now that's all gone he can't help but feel a little trapped. He doubts there is anyone in the world with as much or as varied work experience as him, but he has no evidence of a modern education. Living for 500 years and leading vampire armies isn't exactly something one can really put on a CV.

This isn't something he can confide to Tom and Alex who seem very keen to forget the short resurgence of the man they have taken to calling 'Bad Hal.' He doubts they would sympathise with the loss he is feeling. So he's still keeping secrets and not asking them for help.

* * *

His relationship with Alex is good. The best he's had in centuries, though how much of this is due to him no longer being a vampire and how much of it is due to their actual relationship, he is unsure. She doesn't bring up his part in his death so much anymore which he is interpreting as a good sign and for the first time in years he can allow himself to feel and express a huge range emotions without the risk of anyone winding up dead. It's liberating.

They go to the cinema, Hal points out all the historical inaccuracies and is rewarded with a thump from Alex. They go for walks on the beach and are just another couple. He can pretend he's just like anyone else enjoying the summers day. But is it even pretending anymore? He keeps having to remind himself he's a human now. Just an ordinary man who'll live his life, maybe have children and then one day he'll die. These things that are so normal still seem impossible to him. He has to pinch himself to be sure he isn't dreaming. It's everything he could ever want. Perfect. And that's what's bothering him.

'So what's next?' she asks him one day as they're sitting on the sand. 'I mean, I'm enjoying it here, but I've got a second chance here, I don't want to waste it. I need to live, see the world and all that jazz.'

He's not quite sure how to respond, 'I…I don't know, I haven't really been thinking too far ahead to be honest with you.'

She seems to accept this. 'How are you doing anyway? The whole human thing I mean, must be bit of a culture shock.'

He laughs. 'That's one way of putting it. I don't think I've quite come to terms with it to be honest. It's a bit like living in an extended dream.'

'A good one though right?' her face is marred with concern.

He purses his lips. He's trying some new thing where honesty is the best policy. 'Not always.' He's still not sure whether his regained humanity is a gift or a curse.

He can see from her face that this isn't the answer she wanted.

'What's that supposed to mean then?' suddenly she's confrontational.

'It doesn't just go away. You and Tom seem to forget that I was a vampire for centuries.'

'You think we've forgotten?' she practically spits at him. 'You think that when I look at you I just see an ordinary man? That I don't see _him. _That Tom's forgotten you tried to kill him?'

Hal shakes his head. 'I'm sorry.'

Words aren't really adequate for situations like this.

'It's not cut and dry is it?' she asks softly, the anger seems to have gone. 'It's not as simple as the vampire in you's dead and we're left with good Hal.'

He shakes his head, 'I wasn't a good man when I was alive, I wasn't even a good man when I was 'Good Hal' I was just afraid, terrified of my own shadow. I would tell myself, and my friends, that in my…' he hesitates, 'in my not so nice phases, I was a different man entirely. It was easier. I could blame him, but all 'bad' Hal was was 'good' Hal without the brakes on'

'So now what?' she asks cautiously. 'I guess taking the brakes off shouldn't be such a big deal anymore? I mean, the blood things gone, hasn't it?'

He nods. He doesn't say how difficult it is knowing that nothing in this life can ever even begin to compare to the ecstasy of blood, the power it gave him. That at some moments he would give anything to feel that again. It's not just cellular it turns out, it's psychological.

'I think now I need to learn how to be just a human.'

After their chat things seem to improve, he still doesn't tell her everything. There are so many things she will never understand, but it seems to be enough and for the first time he thinks he might have a chance of things working out for him.

* * *

Tom's happy for his friends, it's a bit of a relief really, having it all out in the open rather than having it all simmering just below the surface. He can't help but feel a bit jealous though, not because he likes Alex or anything silly like that, more just because before it was Tom, Alex and Hal, but now its Hal and Alex, then Tom. He's beginning to understand the saying _Three's a crowd._

He's been meaning to call Alison ever since he became human but he lies awake at night worrying that without the wolf whatever there was that drew him and Alison together will have fizzled to nothing. He tells himself he'll call her tomorrow. But he tells himself that every night.

* * *

On the night of the first full moon after they defeated the devil the three of them go out onto the beach to watch the night sky. He's nervous, he can't feel the wolf and his friends have turned human so it stands to reason that he has too. But there's a part of him that's afraid to believe it.

He looks on in awe as the full moon hangs high in the sky. There's no sign of the wolf. The full moon really is beautiful and he vows to himself that he'll do this every full moon for the rest of his life, the wolf made him the man he is today and he doesn't want to ever forget that. He feels Hal's hand squeeze his shoulder reassuringly.

Finally Tom sighs in relief, it really is real. This is his life now. He really is human. He decides then and there that tomorrow will be the day when he finally calls Alison. Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of his human life.

He can't wipe the massive grin off his face.

Hal lets Tom and Alex walk ahead of him on the way back to Honolulu Heights. Their laughter echoes around the darkened streets. It's all perfect.

It's too perfect. None of this is real, he's suspected as much from the start and he's pretty certain now. He's thought of every explanation for their current situation. The others think that the Devil's death lifted their curses, but that makes no sense because the devil has nothing to do with ghosts and in any case he hasn't heard any reports on the news about thousands of dead people suddenly turning up alive.

It could be a reward, a gift bestowed on the three of them alone, maybe they're all dead and this is heaven. But that doesn't seem right either. What kind of twisted logic would reward someone like him? His participation in the trinity ritual was borne out of desperation rather than nobility. Tom and Alex might deserve this happy ending, he certainly doesn't.

Every problem since they defeated the Devil has been easily sorted, everything they could want has been provided, from jobs to happy endings. Everything is perfect. But he knows that's not how the world works.

They've played happy families for a while. Safe in their little bubble, but he knows that he's going to have to burst it because this can't be real.

* * *

They're in a restaurant, a posh one at that. Alex decided they should celebrate Tom's first full moon as a human and Hal offered to foot the bill (which was only fair in her opinion, he still hadn't got himself a bloody job.) So here they are in a Michelin starred restaurant. Living the dream.

Hal is being Hal. Even as a human he can't resist being know-it-all. It only takes about thirty seconds for him to dismantle their entire world. At least he waits until they've finished their main courses before he does it, but she was really looking forward to that Banoffee pie.

They're trapped in a dream, as soon as he spells it out both she and Tom realise that deep down they knew it all along.

Tom's still a wolf. She's still a dead girl, murdered before she even got a chance to live. And Hal, Hal's still that monster.

There are no gentle things, that's something she's learnt now.


End file.
